Miss’sippi Logic

Because of the amazing Constance McMillen, Miss’sippi’s been all over the news lately, showing everybody their commitment to, as Wanda Sykes said, always “be on the forefront of the wrong side of history.”  Well, one of Miss’sippi’s finest brains apparently got a stick in his craw about all the mean lie’bruls making fun of them, and wrote atheist science blogger P.Z. Myers a letter.  I think you’ll agree it’s a true exposition of genius:

Mr. Myers:

I live in north Mississippi and the way that you and other liberals criticize small town America is deplorable. You know nothing of this town nor my state. Of course I am proud of the people in my state for standing up for what is right.

You call it “human rights” for a man to dress like a woman and act silly and for a woman to dress like a man and act like she has a pecker when she does not. Most nomral people call it sick and realize it is sin. Of course the days of 1967 may have caused permanent brain damage that the next generation inherited. This explans most liberal policies, or anti-establishment policies I call it.

Explanation for liberalism = men “acting silly” and dressing like women and women “acting like they have peckers.”  Awesome.  And 1967 was bad.  Loving v. Virginia and whatnot.  I want more of this letter:

The plain fact is this: Why can liberals not accept that a man does not wear a dress and that a woman does not wear a tuxedo and ask another woman to prom, or other engagement? Can you ot see what is wrong with that picture? Your claim to fame is that you use reason. What reason? Your reason? What about the truth? The truth and reality prevails over your “reason” Mr. Myers.

And in my version of reality, evurbody wars what thur s’posta war!

Satan is on a role in America and his minions are affecting every core element of society.

Yes, I believe he’s playing the role of Elizabeth Hasselbeck, last time I checked.  Type-casting.  What’s a dark lord gotta do to be a leading lady in this town?

There are those of us who have sworn an oath to destroy evil in this world and to slay Satan and his ideals which includes witchcraft, idolatry, paganism, homosexuality, etc.

Wolverines!

I’d like to take a moment to point out that that last sentence definitely does not bring to mind Magic: The Gathering or LARPing, in any way, shape or form.  Absolutely not.

Homoseuality was wrong 6000 years ago after Adam sinned. It was wrong 3500 years ago when God wiped Sodom and Gomorrah from the face of the Earth for their homosexual satanic lusts.

Wait.  What kind of wingnut pop-up Bible is Bubba reading, because MY fourteen Bibles seem to have about fifteen verses a-piece which all explain that the sin of Sodom was inhospitality and greed?  You actually have to actively ignore most of the verses in the Bible that talk about Sodom to pretend it was about gay people.  (Bible lesson from an atheist #3 if you’re counting)

The Bible predicted a day when men would see evil as good and good as evil. That day has come and those who have fulfilled this evil will be punished along with the demons who influenced these actions.

Team Edward?  Team Jacob?  He’s talking to both of y’all, and he’s not happy.

You, sir know nothing of the values of my culture, my heritage.

Time out!  In case any of you reading are not Southern, I am, so allow me to explain that when a Southerner says “heritage,” they tend to be talking about “the good ole’ days when the nigras knew their place.”  In case you didn’t know.

If you like your sodomy so much, then please set up a seperate state for it so that the sodomites can go there to be destroyed rather than bring destruction on the rest of us who do not tolerate it.

What, you mean like the blue states which subsidize Miss’sippi’s wingnut welfare existence with their abundant tax dollars?  The ones where the kids are smarter and the married couples divorce less and the abortion and teen pregnancy rates are lower, and the violent crime rates are…well, you get the idea.

Oh yeah. You already have. California is a breeding ground for Satanic forces. Sodomy, prositution, gayism, witchcraft, paganism, liberalism, socialism, communism, etc all prevails there

Senator Ashburn, Bubba’s looking at you.

I hope you get saved, becuase you have caused many people to go astray and turn evil. Punishment for this will not be a light entence. Being evil yourself is bad enough, but when you cause young minds to stray from God, you received 100 fold the punishment due to you.

Better luck next time. Though. Come visit us in small town Mississippi. You might learn something – like what it means to be normal.

Sincerely,

Your most famous non-admirer

I skipped so many lines, so you need to go read the whole thing.  But wait, “most famous”?  P.Z. says his name was “rob1,” but there are only three famous people I can think of who live in North Mississippi.  (There could be more, but they’re not coming to mind.)  Jerry Lee Lewis.  Morgan Freeman.  John Grisham.  I’m having a hard time believing any of them could be “rob1,” so I’m guessing this fool is more of a “local celebrity,” a la employee of the month at the Steak ‘n’ Shake.

Oh, and you really should read P.Z.’s response to Bubba McGoo.  He’s trying to be nicer these days, and I think he made a valiant effort.  So click the clicky!

And Constance,  I know Wanda Sykes laughed a little bit when you said you were going to move to Tennessee after college, but you’re right — once you cross that border, it’s like you’ve entered a whole new level of civilization.  (As long as you aim for the big city on the other side of that border.  The “Memphis” one.  If you aim too far to the right, you end up in a place called Finger, which is, um, not really an improvement.  No offense to any dear friends of mine who happen to have been raised in Fain-ger.)

Anyway, I’m going to go and act silly and show some ladies how to pretend they have peckers now.

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Tags: bible lesson from an atheist, Constance McMillen, hicks, LOLs, Mississippi, P.Z. Myers, rednecks, Roy Ashburn, Wanda Sykes, wingnuts

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